At this time there was not nobody praying to nobody ...but there were enough rituals, yet barely anyone praying. They had prayed years ago, but the city had gotten so bad, they felt no one had heard their prayers, so why pray?? And their prayers hadn't been selfish prayers either. They had prayed for their children ...that they'd be able to grow up right, or just grow up at all. There had been too many funerals for their children, and most people were like Clarissa ...not believing that prayers made a difference.

Clarissa visits her Mom at the nursing home.

The nurse on duty approaches her, "Hi, Clarissa ...how are you doing today?"

Clarissa tries to smile, but doesn't quite achieve it, as she knows what the nurse is referring to.

The nurse adds, "I know what it's like.  The pain will never go away, we just have to deal with it.  I'm sure it has been one long difficult year for you.  I still feel the sting of it, and it's been five years for me ...but, it doesn't matter whether it's fifty years, I'll never get over it.  I know it's been worse for you ...he was your only child, wasn't he?"

Clarissa nods.

The nurse touches Clarissa's shoulder gently, "I know it's a bit easier for me, because I still have another child ...but, there are times I wish I hadn't.  The worrying, and the constant fear is maddening ...and I see it in his eyes too.  What can I tell him ...that there is hope out there, that things will be okay?"

Speech is difficult, but Clarissa manages to speak, "There is no hope out there.  Mom used to sit at home, and think that if she just prayed, things would get better.  But, things never got better ...and look at her, she just sits there, and she's getting worse."

The nurse does not disagree, "I know ...and the best any of us can do, is share our sorrows."

Clarissa chokes out the words, "Mom's God doesn't hear her prayers ...it's getting worse out there.  I suppose this may be one of he only safe places around.  So, Mom can just sit there, ignore the world that we have to live in ...and have her bit of peace.  I guess she deserves it.  She did the best she could in raising me. She just began to drive me crazy, making me feel guilty because I wouldn't pray with her.  How can I ask for something back that I've lost?  It's not like I lost a bracelet, or my purse ...no one is going to suddenly knock on the door, and return my child."

The nurse hugs her shoulder.

Clarissa cries, "Mom used to tell me that Darin is alive in her heart.  It may work for her, but Darin is not alive ...and I barely feel alive myself."

The nurse nods, "I'll tell your Mom that you are here."

Clarissa quickly replies, "No, that's okay ...I'll go over to her. If she doesn't acknowledge that I'm here, then perhaps I'm not. Does she ever speak anymore?"

The nurse wants to provide some comfort, but the truth has to be told, "She just sits there, and stares ...all the day long.  Yet, every day after lunch she wheels herself over to that pay phone ...and I've been meaning to check it, I don't think it works. But, that doesn't matter to her ...she holds it to her ear, and she actually says something into it too.  I never was close enough to hear, but I think she just moves her mouth or mumbles a bit."

Clarissa mixes laughter with her tears, "She's probably calling God ...since her prayers haven't seemed to be working, she probably feels she should try a direct line."